URGENT PUBLIC HEALTH ANNOUNCEMENT CONCERNING CHAMELEON KEEPERS
For over 50 years, the Chameleon Virus (CV) has been infecting individuals coming into contact with chameleons, and the number of affected worldwide has been on the rise and increasing at an alarming rate since the initial outbreak. The CV typically cannot be self-diagnosed and commonly causes moderate to severe symptoms. While the CV is incurable, treatments have proven to be highly effective at great expense to the infected.
The CV Response Task Force (CVRTF) has prepared the following FAQ to inform you on the infection & symptoms, prevention, and treatment.
How does the infection spread?
The virus primarily attacks two organs, the heart and mind, in the observer--an attribute uncommon in a virus. The virus bypasses normal defense mechanisms and enters through the eyes of the uninfected by being carried on light transmitted through the cornea and pupil and finally coming to rest on the retina. Once the virus is safely nestled on the retina, it sends two signals to the brain: one to the pleasure center and another to stimulate the production of dopamine. Once the dopamine pipeline is established, the virus causes the newly infected to enter learning mode to be programmed to meet every need of the observed chameleon. The dopamine is used by the virus to increase learning desire, and enhance the pleasure felt from learning new information and fulfilling the chameleon's needs. Research shows the infection spreads from the brain to the heart instantaneously and simultaneously upon first contact with the chameleon. The infected have expressed feeling a gamut of emotions ranging from extreme joy to extreme grief when interacting with the infection source. Those in contact with the infected, especially those in close proximity, are extremely likely to also become infected regardless of exposure time or distance from the source.
How long does it take to be diagnosed once infected?
The incubation period of the Chameleon Virus can be nonexistent or take as long as few months for the infected to exhibit external symptoms in rare cases.
What are the symptoms?
Excessive smiling, gasping, faintness, tachycardia, heart palpitations, odd behaviors such as excitement and relief over chameleon feces, disrupted circadian rhythms, grief, joy, hemorrhaging of the wallet and free time, overcoming a fear or phobia of insects, the list goes on... please feel free to add your symptoms below.
How do I prevent the Chameleon Virus?
You can't, we were just kidding about that.
What is the treatment?
A typical treatment regimen involves the purchase of supplements, fluorescent lights, insects, creation of large custom enclosures, misting systems, probes, live plants, vines, and additional chameleons.
Are you saying I'm already infected??
Yes, you have been enslaved. Now do your best to meet the needs of your master(s)!
For over 50 years, the Chameleon Virus (CV) has been infecting individuals coming into contact with chameleons, and the number of affected worldwide has been on the rise and increasing at an alarming rate since the initial outbreak. The CV typically cannot be self-diagnosed and commonly causes moderate to severe symptoms. While the CV is incurable, treatments have proven to be highly effective at great expense to the infected.
The CV Response Task Force (CVRTF) has prepared the following FAQ to inform you on the infection & symptoms, prevention, and treatment.
How does the infection spread?
The virus primarily attacks two organs, the heart and mind, in the observer--an attribute uncommon in a virus. The virus bypasses normal defense mechanisms and enters through the eyes of the uninfected by being carried on light transmitted through the cornea and pupil and finally coming to rest on the retina. Once the virus is safely nestled on the retina, it sends two signals to the brain: one to the pleasure center and another to stimulate the production of dopamine. Once the dopamine pipeline is established, the virus causes the newly infected to enter learning mode to be programmed to meet every need of the observed chameleon. The dopamine is used by the virus to increase learning desire, and enhance the pleasure felt from learning new information and fulfilling the chameleon's needs. Research shows the infection spreads from the brain to the heart instantaneously and simultaneously upon first contact with the chameleon. The infected have expressed feeling a gamut of emotions ranging from extreme joy to extreme grief when interacting with the infection source. Those in contact with the infected, especially those in close proximity, are extremely likely to also become infected regardless of exposure time or distance from the source.
How long does it take to be diagnosed once infected?
The incubation period of the Chameleon Virus can be nonexistent or take as long as few months for the infected to exhibit external symptoms in rare cases.
What are the symptoms?
Excessive smiling, gasping, faintness, tachycardia, heart palpitations, odd behaviors such as excitement and relief over chameleon feces, disrupted circadian rhythms, grief, joy, hemorrhaging of the wallet and free time, overcoming a fear or phobia of insects, the list goes on... please feel free to add your symptoms below.
How do I prevent the Chameleon Virus?
You can't, we were just kidding about that.
What is the treatment?
A typical treatment regimen involves the purchase of supplements, fluorescent lights, insects, creation of large custom enclosures, misting systems, probes, live plants, vines, and additional chameleons.
Are you saying I'm already infected??
Yes, you have been enslaved. Now do your best to meet the needs of your master(s)!
