Jevin
Chameleon Enthusiast
Hey everyone,
So I haven't been the most active the last year and a half. Been doing a lot of figuring out who I am and where I want to go in life and unfortunately social matters took a backseat for a while. I learned quite a bit though, both about what has been done given to me in life, and what I've had to fight for.
I learned that I had been mentally abused for 5 years starting in 2013, and basically have spent the better part of 2019 and 2020 recovering and rediscovering who I am. Essentially life threw me through the wringer starting in 2012 and it honestly didn't start to get better until mid 2020.
I've been through the death's of two family members, my Grandpa from cancer and my uncle from a brain aneurysm, my parents going bankrupt and losing $25,000 in savings I had built up, being in a five year mentally abusive relationship that ended with me in debt, jobless and lacking an support, I had to deal with a suicide attempt of one of my grandma's and the stigma surrounding that.
I've had my shoulder ripped apart and repaired, failed a university class, been put on academic probation, had to take three years off of school for mental health reasons and upon returning to school and finally figuring out what I want to do for my future, got sent to the hospital for mental health.
At the hospital, I ran into a psychiatrist who had only been practicing for a year and had something to prove, discrediting two full psychological evaluations I've had done that were ten years apart but came to the same conclusion and as a result, taken off the medication that actually helps me and put on another medication that made me withdraw further. During my time in the hospital it made it abundantly clear how little I can rely on my family as they acted completely differently during meetings with my psychiatrist than they do normally.
It made it apparent that the only thing I can expect from my family is volatility and unpredictable behavior. Add in my mother became an alcoholic during bankruptcy and my sister being a drug addict and it's a huge mess with no one actually getting the help they need.
Thankfully I am finally back on the meds that help me, and I've got regular sessions with a therapist, even though most of the sessions are venting my feelings that if I show them to my family, they will just tear into me and tell me I'm wrong and being told by my therapist that these are in fact normal feelings.
Just wanted to give an update, as I also realized recently that this forum was one of the few places I could feel useful and accepted at a time that no one really had my back. It also was a way to get support while in the latter end of my abusive relationship that I could access without my abuser going after me for it.
I'm now well on my way to my degrees, with a goal to get a masters afterwards and getting the highest marks I have in my time at university. I've also acquired a vehicle within the last year and managed to build up some savings that I can now do some things that I have been putting off due to lack of funds. I've also been managed to make some new friends in the last few months and despite getting into a year long relationshi in 2019, realized from that relationship how easy it is for someone to start to take advantage of my nature as a person. Also posting this as I realize this forum is one of the few places that I feel safe to talk about these things.
Also if you've read all that, I apologize for the mess and inconsistent flow, I'm still in the process of dealing with all I've been through, which interestingly the psychiatrist at the hospital was convinced was normal for most people. I've also skipped over some stuff as some of it is still fuzzy but continues to improve as my mental health improves.
Anyways thank you everyone, for being there even indirectly when I've needed it most.
So I haven't been the most active the last year and a half. Been doing a lot of figuring out who I am and where I want to go in life and unfortunately social matters took a backseat for a while. I learned quite a bit though, both about what has been done given to me in life, and what I've had to fight for.
I learned that I had been mentally abused for 5 years starting in 2013, and basically have spent the better part of 2019 and 2020 recovering and rediscovering who I am. Essentially life threw me through the wringer starting in 2012 and it honestly didn't start to get better until mid 2020.
I've been through the death's of two family members, my Grandpa from cancer and my uncle from a brain aneurysm, my parents going bankrupt and losing $25,000 in savings I had built up, being in a five year mentally abusive relationship that ended with me in debt, jobless and lacking an support, I had to deal with a suicide attempt of one of my grandma's and the stigma surrounding that.
I've had my shoulder ripped apart and repaired, failed a university class, been put on academic probation, had to take three years off of school for mental health reasons and upon returning to school and finally figuring out what I want to do for my future, got sent to the hospital for mental health.
At the hospital, I ran into a psychiatrist who had only been practicing for a year and had something to prove, discrediting two full psychological evaluations I've had done that were ten years apart but came to the same conclusion and as a result, taken off the medication that actually helps me and put on another medication that made me withdraw further. During my time in the hospital it made it abundantly clear how little I can rely on my family as they acted completely differently during meetings with my psychiatrist than they do normally.
It made it apparent that the only thing I can expect from my family is volatility and unpredictable behavior. Add in my mother became an alcoholic during bankruptcy and my sister being a drug addict and it's a huge mess with no one actually getting the help they need.
Thankfully I am finally back on the meds that help me, and I've got regular sessions with a therapist, even though most of the sessions are venting my feelings that if I show them to my family, they will just tear into me and tell me I'm wrong and being told by my therapist that these are in fact normal feelings.
Just wanted to give an update, as I also realized recently that this forum was one of the few places I could feel useful and accepted at a time that no one really had my back. It also was a way to get support while in the latter end of my abusive relationship that I could access without my abuser going after me for it.
I'm now well on my way to my degrees, with a goal to get a masters afterwards and getting the highest marks I have in my time at university. I've also acquired a vehicle within the last year and managed to build up some savings that I can now do some things that I have been putting off due to lack of funds. I've also been managed to make some new friends in the last few months and despite getting into a year long relationshi in 2019, realized from that relationship how easy it is for someone to start to take advantage of my nature as a person. Also posting this as I realize this forum is one of the few places that I feel safe to talk about these things.
Also if you've read all that, I apologize for the mess and inconsistent flow, I'm still in the process of dealing with all I've been through, which interestingly the psychiatrist at the hospital was convinced was normal for most people. I've also skipped over some stuff as some of it is still fuzzy but continues to improve as my mental health improves.
Anyways thank you everyone, for being there even indirectly when I've needed it most.
