Cham abuse, from family

[Psychobunny]

I havent read the entire thread, mostly just the opening post - pls forgive if I am repeating or missing half the story

I wonder if having a very honest discussion with your nephew would help. Explain that the animal was not well cared for before, and your concerns that if you give it back the same will happen again. Go over the husbandry that it received and point by point explain what was lacking and what would need to be done better. Explain that you cannot in good conscience give the animal back until you are assured it will not suffer.

Have the Nephew pay for the vet bill - if hes not willing to pay for the vet care, its likely he doesnt value the chams life and may never do so. But if he does pay, that shows something positive

Perhaps have Nephew prove himself by coming to your home and assisting with cham duties on a regular (daily?) basis to show commitment (if you dont live too far from each other). Or an agreement (perhaps in writing) that you will visit weekly to help / check up on the animal.

He is of course mad that you arent giving the animal back - you gave it to him, it therefore belongs to him - irregardless of whether or not you think he will kill it. That's the terrible misfortune of pet ownership - many people do not properly care for their pets.

But maybe if you come to some agreement that you could both live with, it will ease the friction and save both your family relationship and the animal?

Sandra, good suggestions and you are pretty much on the nose!

Thing is, it's his Mom who will pay me the vet bills, should it come to that.

His past owning of a pair of leopard geckos, which he took very good care of, lead me to think he would also take good care of a cham.
But the years have changed him, he is not a kid anymore.

I originally typed up a care sheet, which he read, and asked a few questions. So time passed, and I assumed he was getting on fine with it.

It's curious that it was his own Mom who alerted me that he was not taking proper care, and now turns about face, and tells me I am in the wrong by taking the cham away.
Meanwhile, my brother approves of my action!!

When you give something to someone, you don't take it back, unless that person approves, but this is a live animal. I feel, in this case, I have every right to protect it.

My nephew is not inclined to come over to my house and explain anything, nor has he actually ever admitted to not caring for the animal properly. He instead maintains that he followed my instructions! he and his mom are shifting the blame on me, and it seems have taken the attitude; 'well, if he's going to be THAT way about it, he can keep the damn thing'!!!

If I could have a civil conversation with my nephew, and he admits he was not caring for his pet, I am open minded, and may be inclined to give him another chance.
You guys know how fanatic I am about my chams, they are like my children, and I love every one of them, even when they are grumpy!!

 

[sandrachameleon]

.....
My nephew is not inclined to come over to my house and explain anything, nor has he actually ever admitted to not caring for the animal properly. He instead maintains that he followed my instructions! he and his mom are shifting the blame on me, and it seems have taken the attitude; 'well, if he's going to be THAT way about it, he can keep the damn thing'!!!

It sounds he's not going to improve. good thing for the chameleon that you are looking out for its needs.

 

[Fogerty]

Keep the Cham in your possession, in the interest of keeping peace in the Family ,always refer to it as "his" Cham which you are helping to take care of. I would allow him supervised visitation in which he " Brings his own feeders" not relying on uncle bunny to provide. Have him provide and do the supplements ,fill the water ,clean the enclosure etc.. ,provide all care for at least a month to prove that he can do it ,and not just occasionally but Daily. If he can keep it up and proves himself ,then perhaps consider giving him another chance, with your brother monitoring and keeping you informed as to the wellbeing of the animal. Make it clear that the second chance is the last and if you get a call from your brother about a dirty cage ,no water , obvious health issues ,then he becomes yours outright, to sell to a more responsible person , and to recover your Vet bills ,consider those bills as a Lien on ownership.
This is just my opinion on a complex safety Vs peace in the family. Good luck
PS. " I hate my Loved Ones" (the late Bernie Mack)

 

[Psychobunny]

Well, this has been settled, and I am sure my brother had a good talk to his son.
My nephew called me and appologized, and also told me he does not want to keep the cham because he doesnt have the time to care for it.
He thanked me for the gift, and told me I should keep the cham.

So that's that!!

I have made room for him in my cham room, and he has a nice new cage (originally intended for Smidget).

Peace has been restored and everyone is happy!!
No hard feelings

 

[MelissaB]

That's great, the family is happy and the cham is safe.

 

[Cait0420]

Glad to hear you're issue has been resolved peacefully

 

[sandrachameleon]

glad to hear it!

 

[Carlton]

Well, this has been settled, and I am sure my brother had a good talk to his son.
My nephew called me and appologized, and also told me he does not want to keep the cham because he doesnt have the time to care for it.
He thanked me for the gift, and told me I should keep the cham.

So that's that!!

I have made room for him in my cham room, and he has a nice new cage (originally intended for Smidget).

Peace has been restored and everyone is happy!!
No hard feelings

The best thing about the outcome is that your nephew learned a lesson: If you don't take responsibility for something dependent on you, you will lose it. And, to admit that it was his own action. I know it was awkward for you, but the end result is great all around. The little cham is safe, your nephew grew up a bit, and no one was the bad guy. You did the right thing!