I think I have gotten everything for a perfect home....

I literally spent days filling out the form in a word doc before I felt like I put it together enough to post it. You can see in this thread why arguing with other members does not work. Everything has to come from a constructive caring place. Understanding that we as a whole give feedback. I left not having the answers I needed and started lurking to find them. This is not what we want for others.

Everyone starts out in one place... As you learn your understanding expands. But it is the learning that is needed. This is where being open to others and their ideas is important. And knowing that many people will read your comments not just one.
 
Beman said:
I literally spent days filling out the form in a word doc before I felt like I put it together enough to post it. You can see in this thread why arguing with other members does not work. Everything has to come from a constructive caring place. Understanding that we as a whole give feedback. I left not having the answers I needed and started lurking to find them. This is not what we want for others.

Everyone starts out in one place... As you learn your understanding expands. But it is the learning that is needed. This is where being open to others and their ideas is important. And knowing that many people will read your comments not just one.
Click to expand...
Amen to that. 😄
 
Beman said:
I literally spent days filling out the form in a word doc before I felt like I put it together enough to post it. You can see in this thread why arguing with other members does not work. Everything has to come from a constructive caring place. Understanding that we as a whole give feedback. I left not having the answers I needed and started lurking to find them. This is not what we want for others.

Everyone starts out in one place... As you learn your understanding expands. But it is the learning that is needed. This is where being open to others and their ideas is important. And knowing that many people will read your comments not just one.
Click to expand...
To be fair, I've seen you, most others, and definitely myself, grill people on here. And I know exactly what we are all thinking at first, like oh god what's this person plan on doing. I don't mean "grill" in like a mean way either, but pretty much what @ERKleRose did here. At least from this thread I didn't see her say anything mean, in fact, that celeste person seemed to make things worse and then didn't accept the apology and chance to make things civil. Imagine getting so bent out of shape by things like that lmao? I hold no grudges, don't care enough. If someone is cool after, we're good.

I do agree though, being nicer is going to work better, but how sensitive are we as a society where simply offering honest advice is considered rude.
 
It's always difficult to read tones in text, so I get that. What is someone's "normal tone" could be perceived as rude when it isn't meant to be. Honestly, all she was doing was trying to help and stating that she hadn't read incorrectly. It was unnecessary for the Celeste person to have a negative response instead of just sticking with what they were both there for - helping someone.

I'll be honest, when I first posted, I felt the same way. 😅 I did get the answers that I wanted and it turned out that I was reading too far into tones. @ERKleRose has been my main source of information since I first posted and has been more than patient with my 338401289 questions and I appreciate it greatly. We're all just here trying to give our babies the best lives while they stare at us with judgment. 😝
 
jamest0o0 said:
To be fair, I've seen you, most others, and definitely myself, grill people on here. And I know exactly what we are all thinking at first, like oh god what's this person plan on doing. I don't mean "grill" in like a mean way either, but pretty much what @ERKleRose did here. At least from this thread I didn't see her say anything mean, in fact, that celeste person seemed to make things worse and then didn't accept the apology and chance to make things civil. Imagine getting so bent out of shape by things like that lmao? I hold no grudges, don't care enough. If someone is cool after, we're good.

I do agree though, being nicer is going to work better, but how sensitive are we as a society where simply offering honest advice is considered rude.
Click to expand...
Exactly. I think almost everyone has probably grilled someone else before, but it's never really been mean, and if it has, most people apologize if they think they came off as mean. In this post, I don't really think ERKleRose was ever mean in this post. I mean, who was the first person to help Beman on this post? Then that celeste person came on and started arguing with ERKleRose, meanwhile Beman is now getting no help whatsoever, and feels like it was her fault that the argument started because she started the thread. This is the kind of stuff that we should try to avoid. We don't want to make our members(new and old) feel rejected or unwelcome. Remember, they came to this forum because they needed help, so lets try to give them help.

I also agree with what jamest0o0 said about "how sensitive are we as a society where simply offering honest advice is considered rude." People need to stop taking our help so offensively. I totally understand that you want us to be super nice, but we can't exactly just say, you are doing everything perfect and we love you! Sometimes we have to just give you the cold hard truth. Understand that we are just trying to help you. We just wanna give your chameleon the best life possible, and give you the knowledge to care for them.
(And I know that people probably won't take me seriously, since I am only 13 and trying to give you guys advice, but I just wanted to speak my thoughts.)
 
KittyRIOT said:
It's always difficult to read tones in text, so I get that. What is someone's "normal tone" could be perceived as rude when it isn't meant to be. Honestly, all she was doing was trying to help and stating that she hadn't read incorrectly. It was unnecessary for the Celeste person to have a negative response instead of just sticking with what they were both there for - helping someone.

I'll be honest, when I first posted, I felt the same way. 😅 I did get the answers that I wanted and it turned out that I was reading too far into tones. @ERKleRose has been my main source of information since I first posted and has been more than patient with my 338401289 questions and I appreciate it greatly. We're all just here trying to give our babies the best lives while they stare at us with judgment. 😝
Click to expand...
Yup, and I get it, we all read text tones differently some times. I sure have, then felt bad after for getting mad at someone I realized had no intention of being disrespectful.

I do think that when someone reaches out and tries to make things civil, but the other person continues acting hostile... maybe that person is the one that truly wants to be rude eh?

When it comes down to posting, I know not everyone is like this... but I personally look at it as I just want the good information/advice. I always try to be respectful when posting as a newbie. And IDGA* how someone else's response comes off as long as I'm getting some answers that I can't find elsewhere. On so many forums when I was new... I've had the rude people, blunt people, nice people, etc. None of it matters to me when I post 🤷🏻‍♂️ all I want is answers! Piece of advice I heard one time is that you're selling yourself short when you don't listen to people simply because you don't like them, or if you always listen to people because you do like them. Learn to pull out the good and the bad from conversations, situations, etc.
 
LukeTheLizard said:
Exactly. I think almost everyone has probably grilled someone else before, but it's never really been mean, and if it has, most people apologize if they think they came off as mean. In this post, I don't really think ERKleRose was ever mean in this post. I mean, who was the first person to help Beman on this post? Then that celeste person came on and started arguing with ERKleRose, meanwhile Beman is now getting no help whatsoever, and feels like it was her fault that the argument started because she started the thread. This is the kind of stuff that we should try to avoid. We don't want to make our members(new and old) feel rejected or unwelcome. Remember, they came to this forum because they needed help, so let's try to give them help.

I also agree with what jamest0o0 said about "how sensitive are we as a society where simply offering honest advice is considered rude." People need to stop taking our help so offensively. I totally understand that you want us to be super nice, but we can't exactly just say, you are doing everything perfect and we love you! Sometimes we have to just give you the cold hard truth. Understand that we are just trying to help you. We just wanna give your chameleon the best life possible, and give you the knowledge to care for them.
(And I know that people probably won't take me seriously, since I am only 13 and trying to give you guys advice, but I just wanted to speak my thoughts.)
Click to expand...
(Sorry, I was just editing something and it accidentally reposted)
 
LukeTheLizard said:
Exactly. I think almost everyone has probably grilled someone else before, but it's never really been mean, and if it has, most people apologize if they think they came off as mean. In this post, I don't really think ERKleRose was ever mean in this post. I mean, who was the first person to help Beman on this post? Then that celeste person came on and started arguing with ERKleRose, meanwhile Beman is now getting no help whatsoever, and feels like it was her fault that the argument started because she started the thread. This is the kind of stuff that we should try to avoid. We don't want to make our members(new and old) feel rejected or unwelcome. Remember, they came to this forum because they needed help, so lets try to give them help.

I also agree with what jamest0o0 said about "how sensitive are we as a society where simply offering honest advice is considered rude." People need to stop taking our help so offensively. I totally understand that you want us to be super nice, but we can't exactly just say, you are doing everything perfect and we love you! Sometimes we have to just give you the cold hard truth. Understand that we are just trying to help you. We just wanna give your chameleon the best life possible, and give you the knowledge to care for them.
(And I know that people probably won't take me seriously, since I am only 13 and trying to give you guys advice, but I just wanted to speak my thoughts.)
Click to expand...
Just to add, Idk if that celeste had a previously bad experience. I don't want to be too hard on her. Just seemed overly aggressive in this situation. Not even taking sides on who's right, it's an old thread... just bringing it up as an example/discussion of past events and how we can move forward for the better 👍
 
jamest0o0 said:
To be fair, I've seen you, most others, and definitely myself, grill people on here. And I know exactly what we are all thinking at first, like oh god what's this person plan on doing. I don't mean "grill" in like a mean way either, but pretty much what @ERKleRose did here. At least from this thread I didn't see her say anything mean, in fact, that celeste person seemed to make things worse and then didn't accept the apology and chance to make things civil. Imagine getting so bent out of shape by things like that lmao? I hold no grudges, don't care enough. If someone is cool after, we're good.

I do agree though, being nicer is going to work better, but how sensitive are we as a society where simply offering honest advice is considered rude.
Click to expand...
Yeah no @ERKleRose is the one that made me understand the cage size was an issue. This made it so I changed my order with Dragon strand. IT was how others went after her that made me stop posting in this thread. I did not like the interaction due to how she was treated.

I think how we interact with one another matters. When it is in a help thread it is not constructive to be rude to other members. Yes, I have corrected newbies but trying to do it in a manner that is helpful. Sometimes the newbies get over eager and speak on things that they do not fully understand. This is where more experienced members have to jump in. I have my moments where the "enough is enough" takes over. But overall I really try not to attack anyone. lol
 
Beman said:
Yeah no @ERKleRose is the one that made me understand the cage size was an issue. This made it so I changed my order with Dragon strand. IT was how others went after her that made me stop posting in this thread. I did not like the interaction due to how she was treated.

I think how we interact with one another matters. When it is in a help thread it is not constructive to be rude to other members. Yes, I have corrected newbies but trying to do it in a manner that is helpful. Sometimes the newbies get over eager and speak on things that they do not fully understand. This is where more experienced members have to jump in. I have my moments where the "enough is enough" takes over. But overall I really try not to attack anyone. lol
Click to expand...
Oh yeah for sure. I didn't really read much into the advice said here since that's all settled being an old thread. just the tone of responses and if there was any issue with what anyone was saying.

Yeah I totally agree, there are definitely times to question people and such. We can't just ALWAYS be nice and loving, sometimes you gotta tell people the hard truth. There's a respectful way of doing it though, which I've had to work on myself. What I meant by grilling people is we'll see people post something, and I know half the members here are just thinking... 'uh oh... what are you doing now'. But hopefully with everyone being civil, it gets worked out and both sides have a better understanding 👍.

And btw, I think you handled the advice very well here in this thread becca!
 
I’m a little late to this thread, but I would like to say something. The comments that were removed from this thread and PM’d to me were what made me leave the forums for a few years. I was terrified when I got back on and immediately checked to make sure the person who said everything to me was no longer active. The whole situation made me miss out on a lot, and back then, it was one of my only sources of happiness, along with having a great support system and many friendships on here, too. I was terse when giving feedback on this thread (I am blunt in real life, but that can be misinterpreted as bad instead of helpful when typing), which I have since changed and continue to try to better myself and my responses. I have made mistakes, and I own up to them. I try to move on and learn from every experience. Like @Beman said, the way we treat people matters, and we need to be aware of what we say and how we say it, so people continue to come here and experience what a great and helpful community that we have!
 
ERKleRose said:
I’m a little late to this thread, but I would like to say something. The comments that were removed from this thread and PM’d to me were what made me leave the forums for a few years. I was terrified when I got back on and immediately checked to make sure the person who said everything to me was no longer active. The whole situation made me miss out on a lot, and back then, it was one of my only sources of happiness, along with having a great support system and many friendships on here, too. I was terse when giving feedback on this thread (I am blunt in real life, but that can be misinterpreted as bad instead of helpful when typing), which I have since changed and continue to try to better myself and my responses. I have made mistakes, and I own up to them. I try to move on and learn from every experience. Like @Beman said, the way we treat people matters, and we need to be aware of what we say and how we say it, so people continue to come here and experience what a great and helpful community that we have!
Click to expand...
Well now I want to know who it was and what was said...
 
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