military?

[Mredhorse]

Not all experiance the same when dealing with the military.. I did forget to mention.. He has already served 2 tours in Iraq and don't mind the extra benefits our military families get. I never asked or received any benefits but then I am different than most. I was actally a homeless vet for a short time (cant really say that, lived out of my car )..Just remember, they do have debt but don't worry because they think the military will be a secure job for long term. Many find out the hard way when they get passed over for promotion (and get kicked out) or make a Bad comment on FACEBOOK.
15 year saturn would make a nice place to sleep, bigger than the VW fox I slept in. (adopting a military family is not a bad thing, many times your help is with the spouse and children that are at home, while service member is away--it is a companion thing and support, which is not for everyone either).

Sorry for getting of topic--

 

[Mredhorse]

And, trust me, I live among military housing.

So your housing is paid for also.. Good deal

 

[amanda509]

not to sound rude but if he joins the military that is awesome there is so much to do but if and when he does you gotta be ready to be put on the back burner cause when you enlist your country and your service comes first relationships come way after. and if you come into the mind set what branch so he won't be deployed you volunteered to go no matter were your country sends you. if he does join it will be the best decision he has every made. if he doesn't want to deploy or take the chance of dieing then maybe he should do something else like join the boy scouts and not waste the governments money for someone that wants to join and not deploy. our families are safe because our troops put theres aside.

allen, i understand what your saying, but he doesnt want to do it to "serve our country". he wants to do it because he sees the benefits as the only way to be successful in life...

 

[amanda509]

This.

The entire military is downsizing at this point in time.
It is harder to enlist, and re-enlist as it has previously been, because of this.
All the branches are being more selective, and taking this opportunity to get rid of the people they do not need/do not want to be there.

This should be a decision that should be left to him, with no outside interference. If he really wants to go, he will. That should be for a good reason, being pressured into it in any way, is not a good reason.

The military has a ton to offer, if that is the type of life an individual wants to live.

The Marines and Airforce are probably the hardest to get into right now, for various reasons.

The Army is a good bet. They are very well funded, and maintaining the largest numbers all around. They offer a wide variety of training that can be applied later on in life.

There are serious issues going on in the world today.
I would recommend he read up on whats going on with Iran and Korea especially. These are not joking matters, they are extremely serious.

Leave it to him, and be supportive of whatever decision he makes.

i would seriously be sick if he joined the army..but i dont think he's going to..he's leaning towards the navy...my cousin is in the air force and had a couple friends in the army..all of them died. they werent even on the same bases or anything..but they were all sent over..and all killed..

 

[amanda509]

Amanda, all you can do is help him understand all the possible repercussions and then support him in whatever decision he makes. Note that supporting him might not include staying as his girlfriend. "You won't be here" is a reasonable reason for a girl of your age to break up with someone (because I'm reasonably sure "you chew gum weird" is considered a valid reason). You are young and you deserve to get to date and do fun stuff while he's away being a soldier, if he does enlist...that's just one of the facts he needs to consider.

If it were me, I would try to take him to a place where wounded soldiers are doing their recovery. He needs to go into it with his eyes open and that includes facing the very real possibility of life changing injury.

I think it takes a special kind of person to enlist and just maybe your boyfriend is that type, deep inside...and that would be amazing and wonderful. I know I will be grateful to him for enlisting if he does.

However, your boyfriend should not enlist because his dad wants his only son to follow in his footsteps. It has to come from inside.

Help him decide then respect his decision.

his dad never went in service...his dad is a d-bag..he's a nice person, but not towards his son..he treats him like crap. and my grandfather is a Vietnam vet..ill be inviting him over this next week to talk to my boyfriend..my grandfather was lucky though, the only thing he came home with was a broken heart (his fiance left him during war) and tetanus.

 

[amanda509]

Just noting this is why I don't engage in "adopt a military family" and other such pleas to have me give my money to military families. They are provided with much "richer" stuff than I am able to afford for my family...I've known military families who bought their tween girls tanning beds. They usually have huge TVs and multiple gaming systems and SUV's that could eat my 15 year old Saturn....

And, trust me, I live among military housing.

even if he did go, i wouldnt need that...we have no kids and agreed to keep it that way until he's out. and more than likely unless i traveled with him, id stay with my parents and finish my own schooling..

 

[jandie]

Can of worms

So, as a civilian for 28 yrs of my life and the spouse of someone in the military for the past 4 1/2 yrs, there are two sides to every coin. And this thread has opened a whole can of worms for political and governmental debate that can be argued in circles for yrs to come. I won't get into the push and pull of commenting on specific comments that have been made, but I will say - "wow"...and say that there are a lot of "opinions" being tossed out that may/may not have factional basis or may be based on a subjective view of only a few situations....

As far as the advice to not be pressured into it - absolutely agree without question. No one should ever make decisions that are not 100% his/her own....in a perfect world, that would be possible...but we all know that's not how it really is. And not to sound harsh at all, but the other bottom line is - you're not married. So if we're going to all say he should do it of his own accord based on how he feels and what he wants for his life, that accurately shouldn't be based on how "you" feel it will affect your relationship. And your decision to continue to date him if he does also should not be based on anything other than what YOU want for your life. Easier said than done, I know.

I agree with a previous post - if he has specific questions or wants to hear from people experienced, he should talk to SEVERAL people about their experience - why they joined, the challenges, the "benefits", the structure...because every person is different and will have a different experience with it, especially at different ranks and in different units. And if you have questions about being a military spouse/girlfriend, you should do the same. It's a gamble no matter what branch as far as what the assignments will be, how that will affect your family, how much your life is put at risk, etc. There are plenty of navy assignments attached to marine and army units stationed in various places, air force assignments that are with navy, etc. So even if you are a "marine", you may wind up on a naval base somewhere. (Trust me...we are navy and the 0-5 in my husband's dept is a marine colonel and he works with an army major on a daily basis through the same department.) There IS a LOT of adjusting and adjustment both of you would have to accept along with it, even in regard to how you are expected to interact with other people....but like everything else, there is good and bad, give and take, and there are both challenges and rewards.

It's not an easy decision - and if you choose to stay together as a couple, just be realistic in your expectations. Even if he doesn't chose to go in, "life" happens and you be faced with some of the same decisions in the future for whatever reason - a job that requires a lot of travel, challenges presented by school, a car accident that causes a traumatic brain injury that neither of you are responsible for... and so on and so on. There is a LOT of support out there if he does chose this path, even if it's a little tricky to navigate at first and the military is a whole different "family" from other careers. And I agree there is a lot of room for improvement and a need for BETTER services for those that are involved in traumatic events and war (I'm a social worker, so I'm not far removed from BOTH sides of it).


*stepping off the soap box now, lol*

As with everyone else, you can pm me and I am more than willing to tell you (realistically) what we've faced and like/don't like. But good luck with it all and use your support systems and I hope you are able to figure out the best decision for both of you!

 

[Olimpia]

There are plenty of other options for doing well in life. Most of my friends are from different countries (Colombia, Lebanon, Venezuela, India, Pakistan, etc.) and some of them came here on the little their parents could afford, took out loans, got an engineering degree and are now going to start out making $60-70k in their first year. It'll take them a few years to pay off their loans, yes, but they're set. As long as your boyfriend studies something, there is no reason he couldn't be successful in a career that he chooses. With good grades in high school you can get scholarships, the state offers scholarships as well, and if you go to a state school you would end up paying relatively little to finish a degree.

Just something else to consider.

 

[allencg101]

allen, i understand what your saying, but he doesnt want to do it to "serve our country". he wants to do it because he sees the benefits as the only way to be successful in life...

then he should't be allowed to join in the first place. thats the problem with the military today and they are fixing it. you join to serve not for benifits!!! sooner or later the government will put their foot down and eliminate this. i am happy to see its getting harder to enlist and them kicking people out for not wanting to serve this is a big step for those who want to serve ther country and not just for a job. and yes even reenlisting is harder and i am happy to hear that. but he should join cause he wants to serve not for benifits imo if you get the gi bill you should at least do a full elistment of 6-8 years.

 

[allencg101]

This.

The entire military is downsizing at this point in time.
It is harder to enlist, and re-enlist as it has previously been, because of this.
All the branches are being more selective, and taking this opportunity to get rid of the people they do not need/do not want to be there.

This should be a decision that should be left to him, with no outside interference. If he really wants to go, he will. That should be for a good reason, being pressured into it in any way, is not a good reason.

The military has a ton to offer, if that is the type of life an individual wants to live.

The Marines and Airforce are probably the hardest to get into right now, for various reasons.

The Army is a good bet. They are very well funded, and maintaining the largest numbers all around. They offer a wide variety of training that can be applied later on in life.

There are serious issues going on in the world today.
I would recommend he read up on whats going on with Iran and Korea especially. These are not joking matters, they are extremely serious.

Leave it to him, and be supportive of whatever decision he makes.

i feel you on this david im also happy to hear you can't even go active without a high school deploma. if you got a ged you have to have college in certain types of degrees to even go active in any branch

 

[Mredhorse]

So, as a civilian for 28 yrs of my life and the spouse of someone in the military for the past 4 1/2 yrs, there are two sides to every coin. And this thread has opened a whole can of worms for political and governmental debate that can be argued in circles for yrs to come. I won't get into the push and pull of commenting on specific comments that have been made, but I will say - "wow"...and say that there are a lot of "opinions" being tossed out that may/may not have factional basis or may be based on a subjective view of only a few situations.... ------------

Jandie is so right, and has experienced both sides of the coin, so has much wisdom to share..

* Your soap box was dead on *

Even though I was enlisted, one of my jobs for 3 years was to drive the 0-5 around for all his meetings and social functions. ha ha ha During social functions I had to be acting bar tender. Those were the days.

GOSB Semper Fi

 

[Elizadolots]

So your housing is paid for also.. Good deal

No, "among" is not synonymous with "in". Where I live there is a lot of military housing, most of the kids in my daughter's schools and on the sports team she was on have been military kids.

 

[Mredhorse]

Sorry for the mistake.
Military housing is a community usually on the military base and to be among usually means living on. ( you might have been a government employeed civilian living on/among military base housing)
As my fellow students would say "my bad".

We all have our own journey and can only do the best we can.

 

[jandie]

the set up in san diego is a little different from a lot of bases....there are housing communities that are sub-contracted in different areas because the actual base is located downtown and there are primarily only single sailor enlisted units on the base itself....

 

[Elizadolots]

Jandie's right.

I live in a community that is not military (though many military live here, I believe there is some sort of "live off base" allowance) but it is right next to a larger community that is all military, they are building another all military community on the other side in the next couple of years. While there are 2 elementary schools on site in the military community next to us, all children old enough for middle school or high school are in the schools built by the city for our community.l

There are multiple bases in San Diego. We border one (MCAS Miramar) and yes, many live there as well.

 

[DekuScrub]

i only read over a few of the responses so pardon me if im being redundant.

depending on what his life goals are the military can be an excellent option. anything from joining protective services to working on helicopters. if his plans for the future dont really involve benefiting from the training available, even if he would like to join the military, you could pretty much consider it a waste of time.

personally i always wanted to join the airforce, but i cant fly becuase i dont have 2020 vision. and the second option the navy dosnt require 2020 but it just dosnt seem as appealing for a few reasons.

im also not very trusting of the way the military action has been conducted in the recent past. its actually really ridiculous imo

someone said it pays well? no it dosnt unless you stay in there and make it your career.

as everyone has said, its up to him. if hes not into the idea 100% he shouldnt enlist, period.

 

[amanda509]

i really appreciate everyone who has answered so far, everyone's opinions and experiences are wonderful. i had another talk with my boyfriend lastnight about it and brought up all of the points stated here (i actually had a list XD) the good and bad...we've came to the conclusion that other than the benefits, he'd like to achieve training in some sort of demo in the navy..i told him to do his homework and research every position before he sets his mind on something...he really hasnt exactly made up his mind, but from the way he's talking, he's going to do it. he also brought up the concern of me, and i tried explaining to him, im not the one to worry about..its his decision, his life, and he has to live it, whether im in it or not shouldnt be something to be concerned about. but i also reassured him, no matter what he chooses, ill be right by his side...im sure it will be tough, but honestly, he is someone worth being patient and understanding for. his biggest concern is if he'll be changed when he comes out, and that scares me as well. he is such a fun loving, get up and go, hilarious, lovable guy...and neither of us want that to change through it. any advice on that?

he'd love to join the airforce, but he wears glasses, and theres probably no way he could pass the appropriate testing for it..he's very smart, but not exactly book smart. he had okay grades through highschool but did fail a few classes here and there...

i only read over a few of the responses so pardon me if im being redundant.

depending on what his life goals are the military can be an excellent option. anything from joining protective services to working on helicopters. if his plans for the future dont really involve benefiting from the training available, even if he would like to join the military, you could pretty much consider it a waste of time.

personally i always wanted to join the airforce, but i cant fly becuase i dont have 2020 vision. and the second option the navy dosnt require 2020 but it just dosnt seem as appealing for a few reasons.

im also not very trusting of the way the military action has been conducted in the recent past. its actually really ridiculous imo

someone said it pays well? no it dosnt unless you stay in there and make it your career.

as everyone has said, its up to him. if hes not into the idea 100% he shouldnt enlist, period.

 

[Elizadolots]

Again, Amanda....he needs to look at the worst possible scenarios. I think that includes visiting a place where injured soldiers are working on their recovery. Minimally, I think he needs to talk to soldiers who have been severely wounded.

he is such a fun loving, get up and go, hilarious, lovable guy...and neither of us want that to change through it. any advice on that?

No one can guarantee he won't change. In fact, I think we can guarantee he will change. He still might be fun loving and hilarious and lovable...but he will change. He's not talking about going on a nature hike, he's talking about enlisting in the military which carries the potential of going to war.

War changes people.

It sounds like you are committed to standing by him through this and that, more than anything, can help make sure he stays who he is.

 

[chamlover98]

It's more or less in my opinion decisions decisions decisions..if he wants to support he wants to support if he is worried about leaving people behind then thats a possible chance you have to take with the military, I've deployed to iraq twice so far in my career. Came home safely..not saying it would be like that or not don't get me wrong but I am grateful everyday I'm still alive. Money is of course good labor is sometimes easy and tough, I'm not 100% for the money..I care about supporting by what we live by freedom..But I love my country and support it 110% and would die for everyone's freedom is how I look at it.

as well as stand by my brothers in arms side to overcome this war. To keep everyone safe in the United States of America

 

[SonTigerPantherCham]

I enlisted in the United States Navy a very long time ago, and loved every minute of it. I would have put in my 30 and retired out if i could have.
I went thru the nursing program.
I wanted to go to Vietnam as a nurse, and help do whatever I could.
It was a different time back then, but my relationship did not survive the distance