he did it again!!!! another boyfriend vent.

[amanda509]

well, most of you remember my old thread on my boyfriend going to college, and wanting a break, and forgetting about me and all that fun stuff. but we got over ourselves and realized theres plenty of time to be spent together and theres really no reason to worry. well, he did it again!

the first time he forgot about me, we were supposed to meet up fro the evening..but he instead played flag football with the kids on campus and never even called to tell me he wasnt coming.

this time, he was nearing the end of his all night shift and two of my friends walk in, they have no idea who he is, and he has no idea who they are, but they try and flirt with him and he mentions me, and they all realize they know me...so they invite him out to breakfast when his shift ends. instead of being the GOOD boyfriend and inviting me along so i could spend some time with him and catch up with some old friends, he waits until theyre sitting down ordering to tell me...and i still had yet to take a shower and whatnot, so i couldnt go.

i was sooooo pissed, he offered to take me on a date to make up for it..but i doubt thats going to happen..everytime i bring it up, he changes subject. he has time to go out to breakfast with two of my (not exactly attractive) female friends...but barely enough time to spend with me, sleep, or take me on a date once in awhile?

i really wan to go out and do something with him..not the normal sit at home and watch movies deal..but i dont want him to take me out if i ask..i want him to WANT to do it on his own...and im not upset he went to breakfast with two girls..i know them, and im pretty positive nothing will happen between him and them, but im pissed he forgot about me till last minute..not once, but twice!!!

i make sure every possibly moment that i make sure i offer to spend time with him..if i go out with my friends, i invite him, whether he comes or not, he was invited! ive never forgotten him..and i always do my best to leave little notes ot surprises once in awhile to let him know im always thinking of him...but id be too lucky if i got the same in return...

 

[Kate]

I do remember a bit about your last thread. If you haven't done it yet it may be a good idea to sit down with your bf and talk about all the things you have said above. Make a list of what you want from your relationship and talk about it. Communication is the word!

 

[Zubi]

Alright first off no grown man should ever play flag football. It's tackle or nothing.

Second off he obviously doesn't want to make it work as much as u do, so I think its time to move on.

 

[mjhough]

Alright first off no grown man should ever play flag football. It's tackle or nothing.

Second off he obviously doesn't want to make it work as much as u do, so I think its time to move on.

Exactly my thoughts he's out doing his thing I think its time for you to do the same. Why put forth an effort for a guy who wont do the same.

Really tho flag football? That should be your red flag

 

[ChameleonRave]

I'm going to be harsh and honest.. It sounds like you two need space, he's in college and starting his life and maybe he wants to just blow off steam by playing games with his friend. I understand the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. I've been through it all before and I hated a majority of it. It honestly sounds like you are being clingy and overbearing. Give him space and let him do what he wants to do, after all he's trying to find his future and if he goes out to hang out with friends, let him he may be stressed over school etc. Maybe just make a date night and have him set it up in his phone.

 

[Jac1582]

That's a rough time in a guys life to want any kinda commitment, I'm sorry it's rough for you again...sometimes some people are like bridges, once you get to the end of it you no longer need it to continue on your path, even tho your greatful for that bridge because it was there for you, you don't always need/want to go back over it again

 

[patrickfraser]

He's waiting for you to end it and he's being crafty to make you mad enough to do it. Breakfast with TWO of your friends? Flirting? Did he tell them he was your boyfriend or are you "on a break" and he isn't? Seems like a cowardly cad lacking the ability to be honest. Not a winner in my book. Inconsiderate and selfish, totally. Give him his space and fill yours with something more "true".
I'm sorry, but I know how these things work. You'll end it and it will be all your fault. He sounds like he's "not that into you". Big man on campus needs his space. I'd say give it to him.

 

[pssh]

Unfortunately thats one of the problems with having an older boyfriend at this age. The separation caused by school and make or break the relationship. I hope that you are able to make the descision that is best for both of you.

 

[absolutbill]

I read your last thread, and am sorry that you're facing it again. There's a couple of pieces of advice I have for you - take them for what they are worth, but I've been happily married for 8 years

1. Guys, any guys, are not programmed to read your mind. They just can't do it, and by wishing that he'd know what you need, or what you are thinking, or that you want a date isn't going to work. That's probably the hardest lesson I've had to learn - if you want/need something you need to come right out and state it plainly.

2. An age difference at your stage of life is a very hard thing to overcome. Your first year of college is filled with so many different experiences and adventures. Do I think he's been unfaithful to you? Probably not. Do I think he has the potential to down the line? I sure do. Please don't get upset by that - it's just that he seems that he's leading his own life right now, and it looks like he's going to continue in that direction.

You have many big plans ahead of you - business school and opening your reptile store are huge steps and I would urge you to honestly look at yourself and think about what is best for YOU. Not him, but YOU. Whatever you decide we'll be behind you, and if you ever want to, PM me. Best of luck.

 

[Olimpia]

I'm sorry that you are having these issues but I will say what I wish I could have on your last thread before it was closed.

I've never done what I'm going to write but I can relate to the sentiment (although I've always just broken up with the person out of respect).
When someone asks their partner to go on break with an open relationship, and THEY set all the rules, it means essentially one thing: He thinks he can do better (not necessarily physical looks, but it could be anything) BUT, he does not want to loose you and end up alone if he doesn't find what he's looking for. So when he sets the rules, it's his way of sending his feelers out there to look without loosing the girl he already has at home and not having to risk you also finding someone better.

I think you should move on. I know it's hard and I know from my own exes that it's difficult to understand why someone you've dated for 2-3 years would suddenly just change their mind about you but it's just how it is sometimes. Especially in college when you're meeting all sorts of new people from all sorts of places and backgrounds. I know that I'm now dating a young man that I would absolutely marry in a heart beat, and my exes are also dating people they absolutely adore. So it's just better to move on, Amanda. This isn't how you should be treated, so I say it's your turn to look for something better because it has to be out there. He should be respectful enough to just let you go, but who knows.


Aaaalll this said, we don't know him so all we can do is offer opinions from what little we do know and our own experience!

 

[amanda509]

I do remember a bit about your last thread. If you haven't done it yet it may be a good idea to sit down with your bf and talk about all the things you have said above. Make a list of what you want from your relationship and talk about it. Communication is the word!

we openly talk all the time to eachother, but last night we did have a serious conversation about this and other things. we didnt get into the making of a list of what we want from our relationship, but we did talk about the things that have been bothering us the most.

I'm going to be harsh and honest.. It sounds like you two need space, he's in college and starting his life and maybe he wants to just blow off steam by playing games with his friend. I understand the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. I've been through it all before and I hated a majority of it. It honestly sounds like you are being clingy and overbearing. Give him space and let him do what he wants to do, after all he's trying to find his future and if he goes out to hang out with friends, let him he may be stressed over school etc. Maybe just make a date night and have him set it up in his phone.

i admit, i am a little clingy. but i have been giving him his space. its kind of depressing when i tell him to go hangout with his friends, but yet i sit here alone. i dont have as many friends he does, and the ones i do have are too far away to see, he is my one true friend. and ive suggested a date night to him, but he just kind of brushes off the subject. i dont know if he just doesnt want to, or if he has a surprise, or what! lol

That's a rough time in a guys life to want any kinda commitment, I'm sorry it's rough for you again...sometimes some people are like bridges, once you get to the end of it you no longer need it to continue on your path, even tho your greatful for that bridge because it was there for you, you don't always need/want to go back over it again

He's waiting for you to end it and he's being crafty to make you mad enough to do it. Breakfast with TWO of your friends? Flirting? Did he tell them he was your boyfriend or are you "on a break" and he isn't? Seems like a cowardly cad lacking the ability to be honest. Not a winner in my book. Inconsiderate and selfish, totally. Give him his space and fill yours with something more "true".
I'm sorry, but I know how these things work. You'll end it and it will be all your fault. He sounds like he's "not that into you". Big man on campus needs his space. I'd say give it to him.

he told them i was his girlfriend, it was the reason he started talking to them in the first place, realizing they all knew me. after they found out he was dating me, they stopped the flirting. neither of us is on a break, we decided against it.

Unfortunately thats one of the problems with having an older boyfriend at this age. The separation caused by school and make or break the relationship. I hope that you are able to make the descision that is best for both of you.

there is only a year difference between us? we do go to different schools tho, his parents could afford to put him into the local college, but i go to a trade school for business.

I read your last thread, and am sorry that you're facing it again. There's a couple of pieces of advice I have for you - take them for what they are worth, but I've been happily married for 8 years

1. Guys, any guys, are not programmed to read your mind. They just can't do it, and by wishing that he'd know what you need, or what you are thinking, or that you want a date isn't going to work. That's probably the hardest lesson I've had to learn - if you want/need something you need to come right out and state it plainly.

2. An age difference at your stage of life is a very hard thing to overcome. Your first year of college is filled with so many different experiences and adventures. Do I think he's been unfaithful to you? Probably not. Do I think he has the potential to down the line? I sure do. Please don't get upset by that - it's just that he seems that he's leading his own life right now, and it looks like he's going to continue in that direction.

You have many big plans ahead of you - business school and opening your reptile store are huge steps and I would urge you to honestly look at yourself and think about what is best for YOU. Not him, but YOU. Whatever you decide we'll be behind you, and if you ever want to, PM me. Best of luck.

thank you. i know guys cant read minds, but it would be nice to have him do something for me because he wants to, not because i asked. he has in the past, but it seems as if those times are at a standstill. theres really no age difference, only a year. the difference is our education. his parents could afford to send him to the local college, but im at a small trade school for business. he gets to be on a campus full of people, and i have a class of 5 -.- he has never been unfaithful, but i dont want him to ever be. i know were both stressed, but to be a little selfish, i go to school everyday, i work full time, and when im home, i catch up on all the house chores that have fallen behind. he is my only way of getting away from all that. he has lots of friends, i dont. i have him.

I'm sorry that you are having these issues but I will say what I wish I could have on your last thread before it was closed.

I've never done what I'm going to write but I can relate to the sentiment (although I've always just broken up with the person out of respect).
When someone asks their partner to go on break with an open relationship, and THEY set all the rules, it means essentially one thing: He thinks he can do better (not necessarily physical looks, but it could be anything) BUT, he does not want to loose you and end up alone if he doesn't find what he's looking for. So when he sets the rules, it's his way of sending his feelers out there to look without loosing the girl he already has at home and not having to risk you also finding someone better.

I think you should move on. I know it's hard and I know from my own exes that it's difficult to understand why someone you've dated for 2-3 years would suddenly just change their mind about you but it's just how it is sometimes. Especially in college when you're meeting all sorts of new people from all sorts of places and backgrounds. I know that I'm now dating a young man that I would absolutely marry in a heart beat, and my exes are also dating people they absolutely adore. So it's just better to move on, Amanda. This isn't how you should be treated, so I say it's your turn to look for something better because it has to be out there. He should be respectful enough to just let you go, but who knows.


Aaaalll this said, we don't know him so all we can do is offer opinions from what little we do know and our own experience!

the break was his idea, but we both equally set the rules. we both were unhappy with the situation, but neither of us really wanted to loose eachother. after a week of break, he showed up at my house almost crying, saying how much he loved me and that it was a stupid idea. he hasnt treated me badly, more or less, just trying to live his life...and if he is supposed to have a social life, college life, 2 jobs, sleep, and me, something has to be cut short somewhere i suppose. im just so confused

 

[Elizadolots]

i make sure every possibly moment that i make sure i offer to spend time with him..if i go out with my friends, i invite him, whether he comes or not, he was invited! ive never forgotten him..and i always do my best to leave little notes ot surprises once in awhile to let him know im always thinking of him...but id be too lucky if i got the same in return...

I think you need to stop this. Go out with your friends every so often and don't tell him until later. Don't sweat it if he does the same thing. Leaving little notes sounds sweet, but probably makes him uncomfortable and the chances of him ever doing that in return is virtually nil.

 

[amanda509]

I think you need to stop this. Go out with your friends every so often and don't tell him until later. Don't sweat it if he does the same thing. Leaving little notes sounds sweet, but probably makes him uncomfortable and the chances of him ever doing that in return is virtually nil.

i dont go out much anymore...dont have the time to, and all my friends have since moved away. i like spending my little bit of extra time with him, i enjoy it. and isnt hanging out with friends and not telling your partner a little sneaky? i know if he wants to go and im not invited, thats fine, a boys night out...but i dont feel comfortable or think he would appreciate me ripping him off to go out with friends and not tell him. he used to return my favors, he does enjoy them, but it seems as if we have hit a stand still. im in the process of talking to him about it a little every time i see him. he doesnt mean to be mean or bad, he is just overwhelmed with everything that sometimes i am the last thing on his mind..and im afraid it will kill our relationship.

 

[ChameleonRave]

Once again, I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but in my honest opinion, it sounds like you hit the end of the road with your relationship. Maybe it's time to end it.

 

[pssh]

Even one year as a teenage can make a difference. It's more the difference in the grade of school your in rather than your actual age (although that can be a huge obstacle too.)

 

[Elizadolots]

Guys like space. And, if he doesn't like it when you give him space then he'll realize he has to keep up his end of the bargain.

Take his behavior toward you as a clue on how he wants to be treated and treat him that way.

Think about it: don't you treat him the way you want him to treat you?

Neither of you is getting the message. So, get the message.

See what happens from there.

 

[mbondy]

Don't mean to be rude but you are writing publicly. You are defending him at every comment against him. This is a problem. If you want help and advice, listen and think about it. There is an obvious problem when you're ranting on a forum. Trust me, ending this relationship may seem daunting but you'll experience the greatest relief in time. Start listening and make decisions. You're an adult.

 

[okiroo]

In my best relationship(current) my boyfriend is my BEST friend. i have other friends but he and i not only enjoy eachothers company, we want to be around eachother as much as possible. We like other people aswell, but want to hangout and laugh. Thats how good relationships are. Everyone fights and whatever but we've never been angry for over a day or two, and usually still laugh even when were mad. This doesnt sound like that kind of relationship to me. I'm sorry but i went through a few people before i got to someone i acutally cared about. And how he's treating you? thats what i would do you boyfriends i didnt care about. - but i would breakup once i saw what i was doing.

Goodluck.

 

[mikadoflyer]

i've never been good at sugar coating so i'll just tell it as i see it. you are in denial. you know in your head that it's going downhill with him because you were angry enough to vent twice about him. little things that he does which don't include you or your consideration are the beginnings of couples growing apart. whenever someone begins to behave out of their character, then it's usually made a turn for the worse. you should quit defending him because that only makes you look unreasonable and gullible. have enough pride in yourself by not putting up with his crap especially since you would not act that way towards him. his actions speak for themselves and whatever he says is just BS to keep you stringing along because you allow it. he knows what he wants which is a free life but also doesnt want to risk losing what is convenient and there for him which is you. do yourself a favor and move on. sorry that you have to go through this with a selfish coward that you unfortunately hold in high regard. it will be hard since you don't have other friends as a support group, but it's also mentally unhealthy to give just one person such power over you seeing that he won't do the same for you.

 

[heyshelbyrae]

Alright first off no grown man should ever play flag football. It's tackle or nothing.

Second off he obviously doesn't want to make it work as much as u do, so I think its time to move on.

Been there done that, wasn't worth the time.
I agree with Zubs here.