what would you do...?

[little leaf]

its no secret our home has aways been open to special needs animals, but our home is also the "hang out" for many of my kids friends - many do not have the best home life, despite this, we very seldom have any issues with these kids, they even come here when the kids are not home, just to have someplace to go that can be safe, and many times, I have had the parents tell me their kids seem to be showing more respect , and better behavior - this makes me happy, I do not treat most of these kids any different than my own- if you are here, you do not leave messes, if you get things out in the shop, you put it away, ect... and these kids are good kids, they jump right in with chores, splitting wood, what ever we are doing, we will not tolerate foul mouths, disrespect, or stealing....and this is my issue, there is a child who sadly, has about the worse situation - he Dad is in prison for drug dealing and a home meth lab, her Mom, well, yeah- she is being raised by her GRANDMOTHER who does her best , she is a good woman, but is raising 3 kids ! anyway, this girl is starting to steal so badly from my daughter - my daughter (and I ) do not want to "ban" her from our house, so far its clothing mostly - but then the "girl" says these things are hers - and comes up with all kinds of stories of how she came to have these things- there is NO doubt these things belong to my daughter ( like the Marco Island T-shirt I bought for my daughter while we were in Marco Island, so its special to myself & my daughter ) I don't know what to do - they have been friends for a long time, this is not a small child - she is 15 - and has been a family friend for about 8 yrs - my daughter is going to tell her if she does not return ALL her things , she will never be aloud over again- but then I fear this child will be "lost" to society - I have worried about this girl for many years, and look at her as almost a daughter - but I will NOT tolerate stealing and lies - UGH ! its hard enough to raise good kids, I am glad so many teens think we are "the cool house" - lol but I just do not know how to get threw to this child and as she gets older- it only is getting worse - my kids are not perfect, who is - lol but I just dont know what to do

 

[Lathis]

That's so rough. I feel for the girl but completely understand that you can't have that kind of behavior in your house.

At 15, while still a child in experience and emotions, she definitely has the reasoning capacity of an adult. If you know her well enough, could you sit her down for a private conversation, just you and her? Not accusatory but not giving her a pass or believing lies.

If this just started recently, I wonder if something is going on or has happened. Girls in that life situation are so vulnerable and predators can feel it.

 

[MelissaB]

I'd let your daughter make her ultimatum, and go from there. Hopefully, the relationship she has with your family will mean enough to her that she'll do the right thing.

 

[little leaf]

I agree with both of you ~ I am going to sit this one out- and let my daughter try to get threw to her, and only if asked, and needed, step in - I think my daughter is more hurt by this, than mad - and I know her friend does not see it as stealing from ME - but she is - and this hurts me to ~

 

[FlChamMom]

When you have a good heart it is hard to think you are denying a troubled child a sense of normalcy and a family with good values... That said, I have had some experience myself with friends of my son's and sometimes a kid with issues responds better to consequences than to a softer approach. Her view of right and wrong is I am sure skewed from her parent's lack of morals. When she is denied access to you house and your daughter's friendship that may make her rethink her choices! Raising teens is hard work isn't it??

 

[ataraxia]

Through the years of school. I had a couple friends steal from me. Each time though when i caught it. They owned up to it and apologized. I never from those points found them to steal from me again as far as i know.

This girl is denying what she has done, blatantly lying. I think personally your daughter has the best plan for it.

 

[little leaf]

I think personally your daughter has the best plan for it.

yep, me too - I will let them sort it out - and hope all ends well

 

[Carlton]

yep, me too - I will let them sort it out - and hope all ends well

Even if it doesn't turn out just as you hope, at least the girl will get to see the direct impact of her lying...losing something that she values...your daughter's friendship and your safe household.

You can't do her thinking for her at this age anyway.

 

[qdude46]

You daughter has best idea. If she truly wants to go be accepted at your house, she will apologize. Be careful though because I know people that age (I'm almost 14) who will try to to get sympathy and I understand that she does have a hard family life, but it would be the best for your daughter to do what she believes is best. Hopefully she'll turn around apologize.

 

[ridgebax1]

I would sit the girl down for a face to face. It sounds to me like she is trying to "create" experiences she does not have. By making up stories as to how she came by these "new" clothes, I think she is making up for something that is lacking in her real life. I understand what you mean about not allowing her to come over anymore and then having things go from bad to worst. If you have not already given her a second chance, I would confront her with the facts, ask her to return your daughter's property and give her another chancee with the understanding that if it happens again she is going to lose your daughter's friendship and access to your home. It reminds me of something I went through many many years ago when I went from grade school to high school. Thankfully my parents helped me through it rather than turning a blind eye.

 

[tagerlilly18]

I would sit the girl down for a face to face. It sounds to me like she is trying to "create" experiences she does not have. By making up stories as to how she came by these "new" clothes, I think she is making up for something that is lacking in her real life.

There's this girl in my grade who does this exact same thing. I feel so bad because out of no where she will bring up these "experiences and guys" who you can clearly tell are made up. We used to be friends but then she would lie about me to her other 2 friends and vice versa. She's 17 almost 18 now and I just don't know what to do because she's still this way and had no friends now from that.