Chameleon Jokes

[JacksJill]

Here is one I haven't heard before:
Q: Did you hear about the old chameleon that couldn't change color?
A: He had a reptile disfunction

Do you know any?

 

[ChamLB]

How many lizards does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A chameleon!

 

[Remkon]

Why did the chameleon cross the road?

Because his habitat is being deforested by stupid farmers.

 

[JacksJill]

I heard he crossed the road to get to the other fly.
Not as conservation minded as your punch line.

 

[ChamLB]

My daughter says the chameleon crossed the road to prove to the opossum it could be done.

 

[savage13]

How do you get 2 adult male Madagascar hissing cockroaches to stop fighting?

show them a Parsons!

 

[JacksJill]

What kind of lizard tells jokes?
A stand up chameleon!

 

[ChamLB]

A chameleon walks into a bar.
Bartender says
"if your wife calls, I didn't see you"

 

[WAMBO]

What did the old chameleon say to the young chameleon?
Nothing. Chameleons don't talk.

 

[JacksJill]

One more and then you can throw rotten cabbages at me.

"Have I made myself clear?" said the chameleon as he stood in front of a sheet of glass.

 

[ChamLB]

What do you call a chameleon that sings Burt Bacharach songs?
A lounge lizard!

 

[JacksJill]

What do you call a fast bug?
A quicket!

Sorry, can't help myself.

 

[JacksJill]

What do you call a chameleon that busts a rhyme?

A Rap-tile

 

[Decadancin]

How do you capture a unique chameleon?

You "neek" up on him.

 

[Decadancin]

What's the definition of a nervous breakdown?

A chameleon on a tartan rug.

 

[Decadancin]

What did the grape say when the veiled chameleon bit into it?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

 

[Decadancin]

What did the chameleon say to the other chameleon?

Don't roll your eyes at me, bub!

 

[Decadancin]

A precious little girl walks into a bait shop and asks with the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle cwickets?"
The man gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks,
"Do you want a wittle bwown cwicket or a wittle bwack cwicket?"
She leans forward and says in a quiet voice, I don't fink my pet chameleon weally gives a thit.

 

[Decadancin]

The teacher showed her class pictures of a chameleon changing color. "Does anyone know what this animal is called?"
"A colorchanger," said Johnny.
"No. That's not right. The correct name is 'chameleon'."
Johnny thought for a minute, then asked, "An animal like that, that can change its color — is it so hard to believe it can't change its name too?"

 

[Decadancin]

I gave my veiled chameleon some Valium to see if this would help with his aggression.
Now I have a calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer chameleon!



And I'm done!