Lame Joke Contest~~ :)
- Thread starter drcrossfire
- Start date
wendyeeeo
Established Member
Love this one!
wendyeeeo
Established Member
Goggles
New Member
Two antennas met on a roof fell in love and got married. The wedding ceremony wasn't much but the reception was INCREDIBLE!!
Went into a bar last night with a set of jumper cables around my neck. The bartender took one look at me and said " you can stay...but don't start anything"!!
A wife asks her husband " Could you go to the store and get me a carton of milk, if they have eggs get a dozen?"
A short time later the husband comes back with 12 cartons of milk.
The wife asks "Why the hell did you buy 12 cartons of milk?"
He replied "They had eggs!!"
I got in a fight on the weekend with a really big guy!! He said "I'm going to mop the floor with your face!"
I said "Well you'll be sorry!!" He replied "Oh yeah...WHY??"
I said " Well, you won't be able to get in the corners very well!!!"
Went into a bar last night with a set of jumper cables around my neck. The bartender took one look at me and said " you can stay...but don't start anything"!!
A wife asks her husband " Could you go to the store and get me a carton of milk, if they have eggs get a dozen?"
A short time later the husband comes back with 12 cartons of milk.
The wife asks "Why the hell did you buy 12 cartons of milk?"
He replied "They had eggs!!"
I got in a fight on the weekend with a really big guy!! He said "I'm going to mop the floor with your face!"
I said "Well you'll be sorry!!" He replied "Oh yeah...WHY??"
I said " Well, you won't be able to get in the corners very well!!!"
drcrossfire
Avid Member
What's the last thing to go through a bugs head when it hits a windshield??
Its butt
Its butt
Maurer3D
New Member
My grand-father was the king of lame jokes, this was the last one he told me before he past away.
"This blind woman walks into a Walmart with her seeing-eye dog.
(Greeter) Hello mam is their anything I can help you with today?
(Blind Woman) No, thank you.
She proceeds inside a few feet, then grabs the dog by the tail picks it up and starts twirling it around her head.
The Greeter sees this runs over and screams
(Greeter) What are you doing?
(Blind Woman) (calmly says) Just having a look around."
"This blind woman walks into a Walmart with her seeing-eye dog.
(Greeter) Hello mam is their anything I can help you with today?
(Blind Woman) No, thank you.
She proceeds inside a few feet, then grabs the dog by the tail picks it up and starts twirling it around her head.
The Greeter sees this runs over and screams
(Greeter) What are you doing?
(Blind Woman) (calmly says) Just having a look around."
daveo
Established Member
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. Also, because of his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Two flys are on a piece of dog poop. One of the flies farts. The other says "Hey man, I'm trying to eat here!"
Two flys are on a piece of dog poop. One of the flies farts. The other says "Hey man, I'm trying to eat here!"
President Obama and his wife are having a celebrity meet and great at the white house. All kinds of star show up even carrot top who was the evening entertainment.
Before Carrot goes on stage he goes to the restroom, pull up to the urinal right next to Obama . Obama looks over and says "damn you packing some heat. Carrot say thanks all i do is before bed hit it on the bed post a few times. Obama is impressed, later that night Obama goes to bed and Mrs. Obama is fast asleep. He figures what the heck I'm gonna try it. He drops his drop and hits it in the bedpost, on the third hit Mrs. Obama wakes up and says " Carrot top is that you?"
Before Carrot goes on stage he goes to the restroom, pull up to the urinal right next to Obama . Obama looks over and says "damn you packing some heat. Carrot say thanks all i do is before bed hit it on the bed post a few times. Obama is impressed, later that night Obama goes to bed and Mrs. Obama is fast asleep. He figures what the heck I'm gonna try it. He drops his drop and hits it in the bedpost, on the third hit Mrs. Obama wakes up and says " Carrot top is that you?"
ChameleonRave
Avid Member
Okay the only joke I can think of is racist.. I won't post it, but if you want to see it. PM me. :3
whereswaldo
New Member
hope this isnt offensive i thought it was funny.
i was riding down the road the other day and rear ended a car a midget gets out puts his hands on his his hips scowled and says "im not happy" i said oh yea then which one are you
i was riding down the road the other day and rear ended a car a midget gets out puts his hands on his his hips scowled and says "im not happy" i said oh yea then which one are you
dreamforthedead
New Member
girlfriend says- "if my left leg was breakfast & my right lunch, which would you prefer" boyfriend replies "eating between meals"
dreamforthedead
New Member
thats not a lame joke, we all know the answer is ChameleonsInMyHouse
Hahahahaha
Eltortu
Established Member
Oh my!!...
Eltortu
Established Member
Some racist, tasteless jokes are really funny...I posted few but got deleted...
dreamforthedead
New Member
Some racist, tasteless jokes are really funny...I posted few but got deleted...
Alot of jokes I know could be seen as racist so I don't post.. I'm not racist and dislike people who are with a passion but at times it annoys me that you can't make a simple joke without being called one..
Anyway what I think would be good if we had an over 18 bit in the forum where your only allowed in if your 18+ and have to request access by the mods with your date of birth etc we have one on a UK reptile forum I go on and its the funniest thing ever!!
D
DavidBuchan
Guest
What's leather most used for?..........................
Holding cows together.........
Holding cows together.........
