Have to open my mouth

lindawaz

lindawaz

New Member
I know this has been brought up before because I posted in it, but I can not find it sorry.

I might be lambasted for this or maybe not but I just have to say it so here it goes.

New forum members,old forum members anyone asking for help should be treated with at least a little respect and left with some sort of dignity. Someone reached out for help- respect that. They took the time and concern to get on line and search- then register- to ask for help


When I read some of the posts mostly the ones asking for help I am sometimes embarrassed for how that person is being treated. Everyone is not thick skinned. Many take what is said personal. I do not understand why members- brand new,new or old have to walk away from here feeling incompetent.

They are not incompetent, they are also not stupid- They are uneducated and are looking to become educated. There are so many excellent keepers here with a world of knowledge. It saddens me to see people come ask for help be treated like they are an idiot- how dare they have their cage that way,you are feeding them WHAT? NO..... and then later see wonderful links they could have used had they returned to the forum and became educated.

Who knows where they went or what happened to their Cham but I feel it is our fault as a community, we allowed it to happen and we let them down
 
as a Newbie, i would like to say thank you for that gentle little reminder to those in this forum who know a lot more then us rookies. in one way or another, we are all here to learn. some are just further along then others. :cool:
 
I agree. :) Everyone should be treated with dignity and respect.

On the other hand, people also shouldn't be so quick to take offense to some things, especially in an online setting. Since you can't read someone's tone on a forum, miscommunication is very common. Therefore, everyone should be careful how they word their posts, and they should try not to take things personally in others' posts.

I have to say, however, there is the occasion when someone is being completely unreasonable. I have seen a few threads where someone was utterly refusing to listen to advice while they were very clearly neglecting their chams... There comes a point when it is very difficult to continue to be polite.
 
all we can do is offer the advice.

You never know if someone is really taking the advice since it is on line and they can yes us to death.

If they are not taking the advice sometimes it is just better to walk away, they own that cham and nothing we can do about it. But the person we don't know reads over the posts and sees the attitudes may just not post their cry for help.

Trust me I want to reach through the screen sometimes and shake someone, but that is not going to help them in the long run. Better to keep them coming back and hopefully they will become educated.
 
I'd also like to add that for those who ask questions, and get told they're wrong, don't be a jerk. Just because you researched it one way doesn't mean you can't be wrong.
 
Because we can't read "tone", I see alot of younger members speak to an adult member with the sarcasm they use with either their friends, possibly their parents. I am appalled at times the way people are spoken to here. I know it gets frustrating to answer questions that easily could be looked up, and it seems new members want the quick fix at times. But if it can't be answered politely and respect no matter who or what, maybe not answering would be a better way to go and let another member take the time to answer
Anne
 
Exactly right.......people will stop listening when they think they are being attacked, they become defensive and they won't come back. That can only be bad for the chameleon(s) we would like to help.
It can be difficult to tell someone with a smile if they are doing something badly wrong though, and even just being a bit impersonal when giving advice can be taken personally (it's counter-intuitive, but true). We all have a responsibility to be polite and not to personally insult people, just because on here the chams are more important :)
So I agree with Karma in a way too (but having a substrate is not necessarily wrong, lol).........and asking questions is never wrong, but anyone who asks should be prepared to take on board an answer they don't like without being too defensive straight away (or being a jerk :) ).Some people will never understand that though, and want to take everything personally, and if they are a new member you've not spoken to before then you'll never know how they'll take it.
It's difficult to be extra nice to the worst cases, but better for everyone if you can. That's doing all you can to help. It's like being a salesman, but selling good advice.......there's no point winning an argument but losing the customer. Cheesy, but still true :D
 
SonTigerPantherCham said:
Because we can't read "tone", I see alot of younger members speak to an adult member with the sarcasm they use with either their friends, possibly their parents. I am appalled at times the way people are spoken to here. I know it gets frustrating to answer questions that easily could be looked up, and it seems new members want the quick fix at times. But if it can't be answered politely and respect no matter who or what, maybe not answering would be a better way to go and let another member take the time to answer
Anne
Click to expand...

I agree with that completely!!

Their is a certain member on here (not going to say names) that in he/shes posts, comes off with a big attitude. I dont think they mean to sometimes, but its just the way its typed. Whenever i type up a post, i read it back to myself to see how it sounds. Add a smiley, a compliment, or whatever you want to help with how you're actually sounding. :)
 
As new member, confident :p, but still new member and first chameleon keeper EVER, this post is much appreciated. Thank you :)
 
lindawaz said:
If they are not taking the advice sometimes it is just better to walk away, they own that cham and nothing we can do about it. But the person we don't know reads over the posts and sees the attitudes may just not post their cry for help.

Trust me I want to reach through the screen sometimes and shake someone, but that is not going to help them in the long run. Better to keep them coming back and hopefully they will become educated.
Click to expand...

I totally agree :) I was just playing devil's advocate and saying that there are times when I can understand why people become hostile toward someone who is being ridiculous. I personally try not to do that though, and if I ever have, I can promise it was entirely unintentional.

I always make a point to reread my posts and make sure they are as cordial and genuine as possible and won't be taken the wrong way.
 
SonTigerPantherCham said:
Because we can't read "tone", I see alot of younger members speak to an adult member with the sarcasm they use with either their friends
Click to expand...

In defense of those members, I don't think they usually mean to come across as disrespectful. I think a lot of members view this forum very much as a community of friends, or peers at least, hence the sarcastic banter. And in a certain sense, we are all peers because we share a similar hobby, regardless of age. So I think that sarcasm is often meant in good spirits, even though it can come across as rude and offensive.
 
The bantering and sarcasm should be left out of the HELP ME posts. People are stressed as it is with either a illness or a new pet and they do not take it very well and we have all seen them get very defensive. They should never be put in that situation ever!

The bantering and other stuff should be kept for those you truly know on here or the Lizard lounge
 
Thank you, so many new members on large forums like this are afraid to ask for help because they have seen people bashed before. When someone comes to you begging, admitting they were wrong, there is no need to kick them while they are down.
 
agree...somewhat

As a new cham owner, i would like to chime in. I have only been reading this forum for the past few weeks. I have read through more posts than I would care to admit. Our family decided to buy a Chameleon and this is the first place that I came to do research. I have found that there are a lot of differing opinions about certain things, but I feel that it is ulimately up to the person seeking advice to decide how they will use the information they are provided. I think everyone should be happy when a new owner cares enough to want to learn to properly care for their animal that they come here for help.
 
lindawaz said:
I know this has been brought up before because I posted in it, but I can not find it sorry.

I might be lambasted for this or maybe not but I just have to say it so here it goes.

New forum members,old forum members anyone asking for help should be treated with at least a little respect and left with some sort of dignity. Someone reached out for help- respect that. They took the time and concern to get on line and search- then register- to ask for help


When I read some of the posts mostly the ones asking for help I am sometimes embarrassed for how that person is being treated. Everyone is not thick skinned. Many take what is said personal. I do not understand why members- brand new,new or old have to walk away from here feeling incompetent.

They are not incompetent, they are also not stupid- They are uneducated and are looking to become educated. There are so many excellent keepers here with a world of knowledge. It saddens me to see people come ask for help be treated like they are an idiot- how dare they have their cage that way,you are feeding them WHAT? NO..... and then later see wonderful links they could have used had they returned to the forum and became educated.

Who knows where they went or what happened to their Cham but I feel it is our fault as a community, we allowed it to happen and we let them down
Click to expand...

This is just a great thread and reminder for all of us. I worry that I sound harsh so i am the one who uses tons of :):). I do that to try to convey friendliness, i also do a lot of pm's with very new people ( and a lot of not so new ones I love:D )

As a mod I worry myself crazy (very short trip :rolleyes: ) trying to decide if a post is mean to a new person and should be deleted. I hate to delete posts, but try to balance that with what new members. That to me is walking a tightrope. If you guys see abuse, real rudeness I don't then report it or send me a PM. Thanks. And for heaven if I do any rude, less than helpful post, start pm'ing me fast.:eek:
 
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