Have to open my mouth

[shaunaroxanne]

People usually post the form for the reason of knowing what could have gone wrong, which leads to problem and solution. It has nothing to do with making anybody feel bad or kicking a dog when it's down.

@tdot, silly sigs are joking, and give you absolutely no basis on which to judge what they write in their actual posts.

Sorry Karma, I have to disagree. Whether right or wrong, we absolutely ARE judged by how we present ourselves. In communication such as a forum, we present ourselves through what we put in writing. Joking or not, a silly signature can be an immediate red flag as to whether or not one's opinion should be taken seriously. Also, if someone is responding to a post about a beloved animal suffering, it is probably in bad taste to give serious advice, followed by a sig that says something about the world kissing your butt.

This is in no way meant to offend or upset you, but I think you should know that what you put in a signature does affect how you are perceived.

 

[Canny Chams]

indeed, i havent been able to take you seriously with that

 

[davthevieled]

indeed, i havent been able to take you seriously with that

I'm just going to say we are discussing how we should start being kind towards those on the forum.

 

[Elizadolots]

in the upper right corner there is an...omgosh, hate to even type this now... an !, you can report an abusive post. What I am not sure about, is whether your "name" is attached to that report or not.

I guess that is an exclamation point...I just thought of it as a little red triangle.

But yes, you can report an problem post. Your handle is included in the information (if you want to try it, report me for this post, just type a comment that you were testing the system to see if I was right).

Reporting posts works. It has the most immediate positive effect. Far more than stepping in to engage in and possibly escalate an already hostile situation.

 

[tdotcham]

@sontiger - lol no we just posted at the same time and yours went first

 

[lindawaz]

lindawaz, sontigerpanthercham, to the both of you i want to thank you for your remarks on this current issue. everything you said i have been wanting to express but was too frustrated to say it in a friendlier way.
so thanks again for this thread.

You are quite welcome it has been bothering me since July when I joined and I just could not keep my mouth shut any longer.

Let's just hope this does some good and people realize they need to- for lack of a better word-police their own posts. If in a bad mood don't post because yu might use it as a vent for your own emotional state. If the OP really angers you with their mood or problem don't post because again you just may vent without giving any real positive corrective measures for their immediate situation

 

[Carlton]

A little communication/relationship trick I've learned:

When telling someone something that might be hard for them to hear, might be considered condescending or critical, instead of starting off saying

"you must", or
"you can't", or
"you are"

insert the little phrase

"I feel" or
"I think"

before the statement can completely change the tone. You are then expressing an honest opinion, not attacking the listener or directing them to do what you want them to. You become a helper not a dictator or judge.

It's simple and it works!

I hope I take my own advice!

 

[Elizadolots]

That's excellent advice, Carlton.

Also, I think it's best to avoid overly dramatic comments like "you're killing your cham!"

 

[lindawaz]

@ Carlton and Elizadolots both are excellent suggestions. I am definitely try

That since the tone immediately changes

 

[Canny Chams]

i agree with elizadolots, but i think at times, you have to use terms like you must, as you need to express the severity of certain issues that pop up on this forum. I think straight out insulting or cursing at the people and ridiculing them is bad

 

[lindawaz]

I think starting the post with what they are suggesting is good. then you can put the must after- when they are actually reading the info posted. It just sets the tone for them to be more receptive rather than defensive- JMO

 

[shaunaroxanne]

It's the same principle that I need to use when conducting paret-teacher conferences.

No matter how poorly the child is doing in school, you are speaking to the people who love this child more than anything. I must start the conversation by saying positive statements about the child, even if it difficult to come up with something.

Next, I ask what concerns they have. On this forum the the question has already been asked..

Finally, after validating their concerns and building rapport by saying something positive, now I can deliver the "bad" news and offer suggestions, in a polite, non-accusatory manner.

I would never blame them for their child's poor grades and/or behavior, although sometimes I would LOVE to tell them to be responsible, make your kid do homework, turn off the TV, take away the video games and practice math instead. All that would do is shut them down, and the child would suffer.

When we blame either directly or indirectly, the cham owner can shut down, and it's the chameleon that suffers.

 

[Canny Chams]

It's the same principle that I need to use when conducting paret-teacher conferences.

No matter how poorly the child is doing in school, you are speaking to the people who love this child more than anything. I must start the conversation by saying positive statements about the child, even if it difficult to come up with something.

Next, I ask what concerns they have. On this forum the the question has already been asked..

Finally, after validating their concerns and building rapport by saying something positive, now I can deliver the "bad" news and offer suggestions, in a polite, non-accusatory manner.

I would never blame them for their child's poor grades and/or behavior, although sometimes I would LOVE to tell them to be responsible, make your kid do homework, turn off the TV, take away the video games and practice math instead. All that would do is shut them down, and the child would suffer.

When we blame either directly or indirectly, the cham owner can shut down, and it's the chameleon that suffers.

lol, i wish you were my teacher. My teachers would be like, your son sucks at math, he skips and we might suspend him, bye.

 

[shaunaroxanne]

lol, i wish you were my teacher. My teachers would be like, your son sucks at math, he skips and we might suspend him, bye.

OMG that's horrible! Well... your son's teacher doesn't have a panther chameleon in the classroom either soooo, I guess I am kinda cool!

Whatever your son is struggling with in math, have him go to http://www.khanacademy.org/
and see if any of these videos help.

 

[Canny Chams]

lol, i am the son, and this was like 6 years ago. lol

 

[laceygarison]

as a new member i believe everyone should be offered a chance to learn with out being talked to as an incompitant person . the whole reason to be here is to learn and share love for the cute chams out there.

 

[Canny Chams]

as a new member i believe everyone should be offered a chance to learn with out being talked to as an incompitant person . the whole reason to be here is to learn and share love for the cute chams out there.

yea i didnt have to deal with that on this forum as i already had a good ammount of experiance. On my first forum, which is closed now, i was treated with disrespect and rudeness.

 

[lindawaz]

yea i didnt have to deal with that on this forum as i already had a good ammount of experiance. On my first forum, which is closed now, i was treated with disrespect and rudeness.

what this behavior is a trend and accepted on forums? where is that dislike button.....

 

[shaunaroxanne]

lol, i am the son, and this was like 6 years ago. lol

oops, my bad!

 

[Canny Chams]

what this behavior is a trend and accepted on forums? where is that dislike button.....

im sorry i think you misunderstood me, i was saying i dont like it, and i dont think it should be accepted