Kukui, the best lil veiled ever

[burnedrose]

Kukui died today.

He was about a year and a half old.

I brought him inside, right inside our front door, because it was supposed to be the low 90's today. Well, my boyfriend's father kept the front door open all day, no AC, and it hit about 110 where we are. We came back home after seeing a movie and getting our groceries and I went to check on him and he was on the bottom of his cage, non responsive. I don't know if there was direct sunlight that heat him up, or if it was too hot, or if there was something else wrong that I didn't know about.

I can't deal with this today. I *just* moved out here and was planning on living a long life with him and breeding him and having little Kukui babies. he was healthy as of this morning, hunting down the crickets, drinking the (I even set the mister to go off a few extra times today, just because it was supposed to be in the 90's).

I am a horrible horrible chameleon mother. My chameleon died of heat stroke or got baked or something. It's the most horrible way to go and I can't stop blaming myself. if I had just moved him further into the house, if I hadn't moved to California and just stayed in cool upstate NY, if I had just shipped him out after I got settled here, if I had a last chance to kiss him on his little scarred casque, one more time.

I love you Kukui-cakes and I miss you so so much. I am sorry I was such a bad mommy and I wish I could take it all back. I love you, I love you, I love you.

 

[Hoj]

So sorry for your loss, I would not be so quick to blame yourself. Adults veiled can handle some high temps. Unless he was in a tank or area where sun was being magnified on him and he could not get away, high temps should not have killed him that fast.
It really sux when they leave us but im sure he is in a happy place now with all the other lost loved chams.

 

[jannb]

I am so sad for you and my heart breaks that you are having to go through this. Please don't be to hard on yourself. I am so very sorry for your loss of little Kukul.

 

[squeekz1992]

I'm so sorry for your loss.
I know how hard it is, especially when you blame yourself, but I promise you, He knew how much you loved him, and as horrible as it is, at least you didn't have to watch.
Don't blame yourself, it wasn't your fault.
I know it hurts, and it will for a while, but blaming yourself is the worst thing you can do. It eats you up. But know you have a little man upstairs watching you from over the rainbow bridge, and he still loves you just as much as he did when he was here. </3

<3 &hugs

 

[carol5208]

so sorry for your loss. As Hoj said, don't be so hard on yourself. You don't know for sure that is what killed him. Even if it were your fault, it was an accident and not something that was done intentional. There have been many members who have lost their chamelons in ways that could maybe have been prevented, but that does not make you a horrible person. It seems like you loved your chameleon very much and I am sure he had a wonderful life in the time he spent with you. RIP

 

[burnedrose]

we buried Kukui yesterday, in the park right next to my house. He's buried at the top of the hill and overlooks this beautiful green field with these gorgeous trees everywhere. The laughter of children in the playground filter through the leaves and the morning sun shines directly on his resting spot. We walk our dogs through there every morning, so as I walked by today, I stopped and made the traditional Hawaiian ahu over his gravespot (also known as cairns in some spots of the world).

My boyfriend's father feels so bad because he thinks that if he had turned the AC on, it would've been enough. I keep telling him that it was my fault, I should've called and asked him to check on him. My boyfriend said that with his next paycheck, we can get another chameleon, not a replacement, but something that we can raise together, as "our" chameleon. Won't be for a while - I don't think I can handle a cham yet. I want to talk to san Diego owners and gets tips on their husbandry out here, as I don't have the faintest idea on how to deal in dry, hot desert areas. I'm used to cool, humid upstate NY.

 

[hilltowner]

So sorry for Kukui's passing. I was fortunate enough to meet him and he was the most amazing, laid-back cham I ever met. He loved to climb around on burnedrose and even fell asleep on her arm! She loved him and spoiled him as much as she could!

Hoj is right, don't blame yourself. It could have been a number of things and it wasn't intentional, just like when Amy lost Zen. Kukui was very special and is irreplaceable, but just like Amy, the day will come when you'll need a cham back in your life and your heart will grow a little bigger so you have room to love your new cham.

We're keeping you all in our thoughts. Miss you!

Marla

 

[laurie]

I am sorry you lost Kukui, it sounds like he was a very special boy. I would tell you it is ok to blame yourself, but all of us, well most of us,have done something even dumber that that. I know I have. You will never know what happened. It might have happened has you stayed in New York. You loved and cared for him. That is all any of us can do, the rest is in Gods hands. Kukui will always live in your heart. But you are a wonderful Cham Mom and you know there are chams out there that will never have the love a care Kukui had. i hope you are able to give one of those chams the wonderful like you provided for Kukui.

 

[HolyToledo]

So sorry for your loss.

It is very difficult to go through and so easy to blame yourself but you don't know for sure so don't be so hard on yourself. And, just do better the next time?

And, my advice: Get another. Nothing will ever take the place of a loved cham. I wasn't going to get another for awhile after I lost my little love but having another does make the grieving a bit easier. It was harder seeing all the hangouts empty and much more painful. I still miss Twister and always will but the grieving is less painful now that there are other chams around to care for.