Need help now please

[clairf]

Hello again....

Thank you all so much for your kind words....

Well as I sit here now..I still haven't been able to do anything with his Viv - bad I know but I can't..maybe tomorrow I'll have a go at it. The dark cloud is still hanging over....

Next though I had to decide where he was to go ? What do / would you do? I know different countries may practice different things...but even so, I couldn't decide. I have always disliked burying in the garden..incase I moved - wouldn't want to leave him behind.
Take him to the vet ? Not a chance, feels so uncaring and ' disposable.
My lovely old dogs I had cremated and are in a smart engraved box next to me...I even admit looking at taxidermy...he was the most fantastic looking boy anyway.
In the end my son helped me ( I watched, he did ) we wrapped my cham in the soft towel he died in and popped him in a big garden pot and planted a slow growing fir tree with him. Now should I move he comes with me...I'm going to get a brass plaque made for the pot.....so, have I gone past craziness now ?

Lbbkinght his substrate was cocunut eco but he NEVER went to the bottom, not even to scoop up any reluctant bugs. The more of other peoples experiences with aged chams the more I believe it was just old age...symptoms more than similiar and consistant.

Hi Christine from the UK....great to meet another from the UK.....

Thank you all again...your kind words helped me so much.....x

 

[Miss Lily]

I'm also in the UK, and no, you are not crazy - just mourning a much loved member of the family. I have been there too only recently and it was so hard to post a reply to you, but I felt I had to.

When Lily died I had her cremated by Pets at Rest who do individual pet cremations. Her ashes were returned to me in a little box no bigger than a small matchbox. This is placed on a shelf above her cage. It really helps to have some kind of closure. Normally the pets are buried in my Mum's garden, but the 'special' ones are cremated.

 

[ronnie]

Hi Clairf...i was hoping you would come back onto the forum and let us know how you are doing....that was a lovely idea with the plant pot....so now he can always go with you if you ever move...glad you are feeling better....(i am also in the U.K)sending u hugsXX

 

[philanddeb818]

(sniff-sniff) That made me cry, Clairf. What a wonderful adopted parent you were to this much loved baby. This is the part of animal husbandry that is beyond words. Your choice of a tree and pot gave me chills. Well done. Prayers for comfort are with you.

Phil and Deb

Ps. Phil's originally from the UK

 

[clairf]

Hi everyone.....
Firstly thanks for all the UK ' hi's '....and again everyone for your kind words.

Well I finally did it - emptied, disinfected and cleaned his viv. I know it sounds a long time but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I felt like it was somehow dismissing him as a nothing. Removing anything and everything of him. Guilt again.
Eventually, when I became stronger I realised I didn't need to think like that - because chammie is always going to be with me, in my memories and heart not to mention his pot that I say ' good morning / night ' to everyday so he doesn't feel forgotten by the family. His pot is at the bottom of the 3 steps to my front door, so he also gets the dogs ' back in a bit ' leaving statement ( ok ok so still thinking like a clutz lol )

Anyway...( feeling guilty asking this...damn this is hard )....for any that has lost their beloved cham...did you get another? And how long did you wait ?
I have the guilty feeling of replacement ( which it wouldn't be - not possible ) against the need to see life in his viv again.
I have been offered another....is it too soon ? Or the fact that I even have to ask the question....is that my answer?

Just wondered your thoughts?
x

 

[Miss Lily]

clair, please don't feel guilty at getting another! You sound so like me. Once Lily's cage was empty even my hubby hated it so I put some flowering plants in there for a few days in her memory.

At first I was going to wait a while before getting another cham, but we all hated seeing the cage without a little green person in there. I would walk past loads of times a day and still look in there like she was still here.

Lily died on Saturday 16th May and had her post mortem on Monday 18th May, followed by a cremation the following day. We all missed her so much - even my hubby who was never really fussed about her - she was my baby and it was me who cared for her and me who she would come to.

After her cremation, I set about kitting the viv out for a new baby cham. It gave me something positive to do, and also gave me time to make sure that the temps, etc were ok for a baby.

I picked Amy up from the breeder on Sunday 24th May, just 8 days after Lily died. It just felt 'right', the house was empty without Lily and her cage needed to be 'lived in' once more. Some people may say that this was too soon, but it was totally the right thing for us.

Getting Amy gave me something to look forward to and work towards, rather than being sad about Lily, although she is always there in the back of my mind. So, even though I was totally shocked and gutted by Lily's death, Amy has helped us all to move on.

You need to do what is right for you and your family. If you want another cham now or if you want to wait a while, it is up to you, and no-one should judge you on that. Go with your gut feelings, that's what I did.

 

[clairf]

but we all hated seeing the cage without a little green person in there. I would walk past loads of times a day and still look in there like she was still here - the house was empty without Lily and her cage needed to be 'lived in' once more

Now that's exactly what I was trying to convey. The room feels somehow incomplete. He wasn't an ornament or away in another room, he was in the family mix all the time. Watching eastenders and the comings and goings of the day. In and out all the time and a proper family member. It feels like the corner part of the jigsaw is missing.
Whereas a newbie won't and can't replace him, this jigsaw needs completing again. It's purgatory looking at this empty dull lifeless viv.
If I don't accept this newbie I shall have to dismantle / move his viv as it's to morbid....almost like a shrine. Thats not what I want...I have him in his pot...with a living tree...means he is still sort of living on and thats good enough for me. But the shrine like viv I can't cope with. Just to remove that feeling would not be the reason to take this newbie obviously but it is a consideration.
I feel ok about a new one, well a bit of guilt but I think I would always feel that whenever it were to happen, but do feel guilty about being slightly excited ( lots ) at the prospect.....
I'm so sorry about Lilly.....I can read and feel the pain still with you.....it's a pig isn't it? x

 

[Miss Lily]

Now that's exactly what I was trying to convey. The room feels somehow incomplete. He wasn't an ornament or away in another room, he was in the family mix all the time. Watching eastenders and the comings and goings of the day. In and out all the time and a proper family member. It feels like the corner part of the jigsaw is missing.
I feel ok about a new one, well a bit of guilt but I think I would always feel that whenever it were to happen, but do feel guilty about being slightly excited ( lots ) at the prospect.....
I'm so sorry about Lilly.....I can read and feel the pain still with you.....it's a pig isn't it? x

I know exactly how you feel, and I was very excited about getting a baby. I did the whole bit - going across to the mainland and finding the breeder's house to choose which new baby I wanted. Amy will NEVER replace Lily but she is helping to fill the void that Lily left behind. I totally understand when you say about the missing piece of the jigsaw. It is strange how these creatures, although not a 'normal' family pet, become moreso a member of the family more than any other pet. There's just something about them. Sounds like your little man was just as special as Lily - she was always at the centre of everything, and my life did kind of revolve around her!

Once you start to make plans for a new baby, it becomes a lot easier to cope with the sadness. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. If you go ahead and get a new baby, remember to post loads of pics on here!

 

[clairf]

Amy will NEVER replace Lily but she is helping to fill the void that Lily left behind

Now after all my war and peace posts and never quite finding the right words or decriptions...your quote above just sums it up...thank you. x

As for pics ? If I do go ahead of this you can be sure....you'll be awash with them....:screaming ' enough is enough ' at me in great big CAPITOLS
xx

 

[Miss Lily]

Now after all my war and peace posts and never quite finding the right words or decriptions...your quote above just sums it up...thank you. x

As for pics ? If I do go ahead of this you can be sure....you'll be awash with them....:screaming ' enough is enough ' at me in great big CAPITOLS
xx

Thanks. I just speak from the heart, that's all.

LOL! You can NEVER post enough photos of baby chams! I could look at baby pics all day! Most people on here love baby pics, or any pics of any cham for that matter!

 

[clairf]

OK thats a done deal then lol
I actually have a vid of little'un taking his first locust the day after he arrived, all of him not much longer than my thumb nail ( ahhhhh ) ...I know I can upload via you tube or something but have never done it, scared of losing it if I do it wrong ( most likely ) ....so if anyone wants to / can do that would be great, I'll email it over I have been able to convert to a bov file to email but thats as far as this technafobe can get

 

[Montyrom]

I'm so sorry for your loss,

I found this thread whilst researching parasites.

An empty house is always hard.

I've only had reptiles for 3 1/2 years and luckily have not lost one yet, but I have always kept pet rats - they die so soon in the great scheme of things just 2 - 3 years - you get used to their little ways and then they're gone.

I have a little plot in the garden where I bury them beneath my grape vines. I plant something nice on top to remind me of them and I have tea lanterns hanging above them to burn over them the first night they are there. That first inital parting is never good.

Grieving is good and it shows you really loved him.

New pets never replace the ones you lose, but they show you things that make you remember and give you new memories to enjoy.

When it is time for your new little one, they will do little things to remind you of him, it will make you smile and you'll see that they may be gone, but never forgotten in your heart!

Your thread made me cry, but only because all of us on here have a common tie!

Good luck in the future and treasure those sacred memories!!!

Sam (Suffolk, UK)

 

[Pure]

OK thats a done deal then lol
I actually have a vid of little'un taking his first locust the day after he arrived, all of him not much longer than my thumb nail ( ahhhhh ) ...I know I can upload via you tube or something but have never done it, scared of losing it if I do it wrong ( most likely ) ....so if anyone wants to / can do that would be great, I'll email it over I have been able to convert to a bov file to email but thats as far as this technafobe can get

Uploading your vid to photobucket is as good as utube. I'm not familiar with utube as I don't like it. But I know photobucket does not touch or remove the original from your hard drive. It uploads a copy. So there is no chance of loosing it if something messes up. The process is the same for videos as it is for pics.

 

[clairf]

Hello everyone...thought I would update you all .....

I don't know if I am opening myself up for a verbal beating here for acting too soon...but I simply couldn't bear to look at the lifeless viv any longer. It was fast becoming a shrine and was having a negative ' vibe ' in the room....a permanent sense of the loss of my cham which always turned to tears rather than having loving memories of him.... By dismantling the viv it was somehow taking away the fact he was ever here.....soooooooooooooo

As previously mentioned I was offered a new cham. Twas a long story but briefly..his owner who loved and cared for him brilliantly, through work commitments felt he was no longer doing right by the Cham....only getting home just before the Chams bedtime. being alone all day he was always worried no help was on hand if needed and also that he was a very special chap and being such a sociable character for him to be on his own all day was bordering on cruel.
I accept many say don't handle / stress / leave alone, they are solitary creatures and dislike interaction, and I agree and respect this, but no one told this cham He is more socaible, agreeable and bidable than my ex husband ! At his happiest when with you...like a puppy and the only time he runs away is when I try to return him to his viv.... He almosts begs to come out and the second the door is opened, regardless of where he is in the viv, he bolts and jumps on my hand. Pic below...bit fuzzy because he was moving to fast

There had been no limit to love, care and attention the owner provided as he saw this chappy as his family....hence why he had to put his needs beyond his own. He broke down during the Cham's collection...broke his heart....but I have so much respect for him putting the chams needs before his own. A bit like the horrible PTS ( put to sleep ) situation......I get regular heartbreaking emails of him dealing with his ' loss ' but they all finish with the delight that this chappie is with someone like me.... I send regular pics and emails to help him through this transistion.

Newly christened Norris is 6 months old, beautifully healthy, just about to shed by the looks of him, never hissed, struck or showed his beard EVER and thinks he is a puppy ! I swear he would come to bed with me at night if it was possible. He is unfazzed by my dogs, climbs down to meet them and almost gives the ' ner ner ner ner ner ' from inside the cage Only thing he hates ( owner told me this ) is Beardies....so I always make sure he never sees mine.

Anyway...I introduce Norris, who has brought my old boy's viv to life and for both him, not as a replacent, and old boy, puts a warm smile on my face rather than grief and torture....
( I have checked his nobbly bits - and he is a boy )


And his mad dash for me as I open the door......


Many thanks to everyone for all your help and support during this sad time for me....I really appreciated it....and I'll always goodnight and goodmorning to my old boy - infact when Norris arrived and was carried past ' the pot ' I introduced them and telling old boy this was his young prodejay ( sp ) and I loved them both...so I have the best of a bad deal now....
x

 

[ronnie]

So glad everything has been going well for you,your new man is a cutie,fully understand your unsure feelings about getting him but glad you went with your instinct,all the best to you and your Cham

 

[PardalisGirl]

Congrats

Congrats on your new handsome boy! He is super good looking. I think you will find everyone totally understanding the need to fill the empty cage. It's happened to many of us and we know what that's like. Your heart is plenty big to hold space for your beloved chameleon that passed away and this new one. You are also ensuring that this boy gets the good home that he deserves. I'm thrilled for you and look forward to watching him grow up here!